It's now been just over a year.......

Hard to believe that it is now over a year for me since moving to NYC. We are still enjoying it but some things have changed.  We are feeling pretty ready to make the move out of Times Square/Hell's Kitchen/Theatre District to a more sedate, non-touristy neighborhood.  I think spending the five weeks at the ashram in India really made a deep impression and my nerves are definitely feeling a bit more jangled with all the activity that goes on in our immediate neighborhood.  So we are looking to move to, most likely, the Upper West Side. Certainly considering other Manhattan neighborhoods but the UWS seems to have the most of what we are looking for. We are also likely going to buy a place assuming interest rates stay as low as they are.  After crunching some numbers, it's clear it would be cheaper to pay a mortgage and maintenance fee rather than the level of rent we are paying now.

I am also back to reading books, and have learned to say 'NO" to all the magazines and newspapers.  Just finished Erik Larsen's In the Garden of the Beasts.  He is a favorite author of both Bob and mine. It is a historical account of the US Ambassador to Germany and his family during Hitler's rise to power.  It's so amazing how everyone around the world wanted to keep a blind eye to what was happening and how appalling the behavior was of the US's old, rich, cronies in high government positions could be.  I am now reading Island in the Center of the World which covers the Dutch settlement of Manhattan prior to the English overthrow and takeover.   It's good to be back reading books.

I'm in an established (albeit very part time) professional role as an independent evaluator for a research project at the Columbia University Research Foundation for Mental Hygiene and have just started my volunteer position with City Harvest which I am, thus far, enjoying.

I am enrolled to be trained as a Reiki healer the first weekend in November.  There is still an outside chance I may be doing a small consulting job related to teen eating disorders so we will see.

We still have a wonderful stream of friends and family visiting. That is such a social lifeline for me but at the same time, we have made a very nice small group of friends here as well.

We are going to go for an orientation this weekend to see if we want to join the Park Slope Food Coop in Brooklyn.  It's a really crazy, highly controversial (they get bomb threats!!) food cooperative.  I've heard from several people now they are a bunch of crazies but I am totally jonesing for a food coop experience to replace my undying love for the Seattle PCC stores.  We will see just how crazy they really are and if it is at all practical to even think about working and shopping there in Brooklyn on a monthly basis.

I have just loved getting to know so many of the parks and look forward to further explorations of NYC's natural beauty.  Margaret and I are off to Far Rockaway Beachh on Friday.

We've slowed down quite a bit on going to see Broadway plays and are being a bit more discerning as to what performances we are buying tickets for though a good friend is coming to town and wants to see Rock of Ages, so that should be fun.  We will also go see Other Desert Cities because I had really wanted to go when it was playing at the Lincoln Center.

So I would say that our first year has been really successful in making the adjustment after such a big leap from Seattle.  We are less bug eyed with "LIVING IN NYC" and definitely feel more settled and sober but still engaged with all the city has to offer, just a bit more tempered than when we first moved here. 

Epilogue

So I am signed up for the Reiki training for the weekend of November 5th and 6th. I've stayed on track to follow thru on my increased sadhana routine.  I am battling the outrageous level of distraction offered by non-stop internet access, magazines, newspapers, errands, various tasks to attend in the apartment, eating, etc to make my spiritual practice the priority first thing in the morning.  It is really tough even though after I complete it (a little over two hours) I feel amazing. It's just the getting started. I keep telling myself there is really no better use of my time and the world might end as I know it at any moment (gotta get the stakes really high!) so what does all the other stuff (aka lame excuses) matter.  The strategy helps some, but wow, it is really hard for me to be as disciplined as I would like.  I have every intention of sticking with it so hopefully over time, it'll come more easily. At least that is my hope. 

Leaving the ashram............

Om Namah Shivaya,

As the last few days close in on our departure date from Amritapuri, I find myself with a sense of urgency, mild panic, and vague disappointment that I didn't extract every last bit of what I could have gotten from my time here.  That my "allowances" for "adjusting to ashram life" may have wasted too much time.  Just last night, Bob and I were watching from the Kali Temple balcony a large group of people singing and drumming devotional songs to a large Ganesh statue in a small temple that had been erected in front of the Kalari. The Kalari is the first original temple space on the Ashram grounds, it was originally the cowshed of Amma's family that has been redone as a more formal temple.  It is just tiny, MAYBE able to hold 30 people, giving a very vivid and concrete comparison to how large the groups of the ashram have grown when you compare it to the very large open air temple space where most of the activities occur now. The main temple hall holds about 3000 people seated, maybe 4000 if you utilize all the space and probably 5000 if you don't use chairs and everyone sits closely on the floor (a typical practice in temples). Anyway, from the balcony of the Kali Temple (which hold about 1500 really packed in, no chairs) we noticed that we were at eye level with the top of the Kalari Temple roof line and there at the front peak of the pitched roof is a beautiful statue of a garlanded Vanamali in a diorama of cows and the forest.  Vanamali is Bob's Hindu name given to him by Amma.  Translated it means Vana which is forest and Mali which is one who wears malas (sacred bracelets and necklaces). Together they refer to Krishna during his youth when he hearded cows in the forest and the gopis (female cowherders) made him flower garlands to wear.  It was such a nice surprise to have spotted this. For as many times as Bob has been here, neither he nor I had not seen it before. I am sure there are so many little surprises like that tucked away all over the ashram grounds.  You just have to be in the right place to see them. I am still finding various paintings and photos of Amma that I'd not noticed in places I've been in many, many times. The visual richness is so much to take in.

It's been a big week for Lakshmi, the elephant, as this is the time of year, Ganapati, when the manifestation of God as Ganesh (the elephant) is celebrated.  Ganesh represents wisdom and the remover of obstacles. Lakshmi is being brought over to the ashram more often and given lots of love, attention, and treats by those here at the ashram, visitors and residents alike, and of course by Amma.  Lakshmi was involved in a very beautiful puja ceremony where she was adorned with several bright flowered garlands, a white scarf draped over her back, and dots of sandalwood and kum kum (respectively, the beige and very bright red powder you often see on Indian people's foreheads) placed on her ears, trunk, and backside. She even managed to get down to a full prostration at the end of the ceremony.  Very impressive.  I asked a bit about Ram, the male elephant who came to the ashram as just a baby several years ago.  I've not seen him this visit and was wondering aloud with people if he is still around. What I was told is that he is in his adolescent male phase of development which makes him more of a challenge to manage and he is not safe to be around a lot of people right now. So for now, he is not being brought to the ashram though it sounds like he is still over at the university.  Anyway, Lakshmi seems really happy to be the center of attention and really soaks it all up. I will miss her very much.

The Amrita Yoga class was so amazing, like no yoga class I have ever experienced. Luckily the first level course was just perfectly matched to my skill level. What a relief and as it turns out, a massive rain storm happened on 3 of the 4 late afternoon classes which cooled the air down considerably so the temperature of the room was quite comfortable.  They teach yoga here from a deeply rooted tradition of Eastern spiritual practice.  I think there are some yoga classes in the West that try to do this but being in this particular atmosphere with a realized spiritual master in your presence, the class was so infused with God-consciousness, it was an experience like none I've ever had.  Yoga in the true Hindu tradition is so much more than the postures, it's a way of living, learning. serving, loving, showing devotion, bringing stillness to your mind. Aside from the 14 hours of class time learning the yoga postures and associated breathing. We had three wonderful lectures (satsangs) about how yoga is a very clear way to spiritual enlightenment. We had a brahmacharini who has spent many, many years learning from Yoga masters and learning the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Then a very enjoyable and highly accessible talk from one of the Brahmacharis about how to stay present in the here and now, and lastly a talk from one of Amma's devotees who told us many heart felt stories of people surrendering to the pain of the moment and the grace that flowed from that surrendering.  What was most powerful about the Amrita Yoga techniques is how it really focuses you on literally imbibing God and bringing that Light and Love into one's heart with every breath taken in the practice.  The instructors provided themes for each of the 8 classes and told wonderful stories and read insightful poems and quotes to brings those themes alive and incorporated into the learning process.  I don't feel like I am doing a very good job of explaining the process. I will just say, that before taking this class my approach to yoga was far more for physical benefits and now after taking this class, doing the Amrita Yoga is really about the spiritual benefits.  Any physical benefits that come from it will be great but that has little to do with why I will incorporate this into my daily practice. Amrita yoga also strongly emphasizes the importance of love and service. So I am starting my volunteering with City Harvest the following week that I get back to NYC. My first gig is a 6 hour volunteer day helping to set up for one of their fundraisers.  

Lest you think this yoga class was spiritually too one sided, the instructors had wonderful senses of humor.  If there was stand up comedy for aspiring yogis this following joke would be standard:

There were three aspiring devotees of a guru. Each has done intense and sincere spiritual practice and show deep devotion to their guru and realized master.  Their guru brings them together and recognizes their deep sincerity to reach spiritual enlightenment and become one with the cosmic consciousness---the absolute bliss after which they are seeking for so long.

So he tells the first devotee how much he sees of his sincerity for achieving spiritual enlightenment and tells him he will grant him one boon (essentially a wish).  The devotee tells his guru that he wants spiritual enlightenment, the most prized state of being. So the guru grants him his wish and poof he is one with the cosmos.

He calls in the second devotee and essentially has a repeat of the first conversation he had with the first devotee.  And so poof, off goes the second devotee to absolute bliss.

The guru calls in the third devotee, tells him how much he recognizes his efforts in devotion and spiritual practice and tells him he will grant him one boon. The devotee thinks about it and says "You know I really miss my two friends.........."  (end of joke, bada bing).  

It was a really fun and deep class. I would recommend it to anyone interested in bringing a primarily spiritual dimension to their yoga practice.  The one hitch is you have to come to Amritapuri to learn it, as this is the only place they are teaching it, at least for now.

The following is a haphazard but catagorized inventory of various experiences I have had while here.

Highlights: 

#1  My most amazing session with the massage healing therapist

#2  The visit to the orphanage

#3  The Amrita Yoga class

#4  My darshans with Amma

#5  Lakshmi the elephant

#6  The incredible amount of Grace that I received on this visit

What I will miss most:  

#1   The one focusedness of everyone here on the ashram with regard to their spiritual growth, even those who are not devotees of Amma and are just meeting her for the first time out of curiosity, are still in India and at the ashram because they are searching for something bigger than themselves. The austerity here (at least of material/commercial items) and the boundless richness of the rarified atmosphere makes spiritual practice and thought so much easier. It's as my wise friend Kathleen stated  "Perhaps you do not need to meditate so much or so formally in such a setting as inspiration and reflection must occur so often in the moment."  Just being here is a major stimulus to be God-conscious. Can't really avoid it. I think that is the major drawing card for so many people here. The immersion of it all and of course, Amma at it's center.

#2 Having all my meals made for me!  It's not always what I would make for myself or how I would prepare it, but boy, if it isn't nice to just have food ready and waiting, pay only 50 cents, then just have to wash your plate, silverware and cup!

#3 Lakshmi the elephant.

#4  Wearing the white billowing clothes and scarf and seeing so many others in the same whites or white saris

#5  All the visually rich detailed renderings (photos, paintings, sculptures, weavings, etc) of Amma and the many deities in and around the Kali temple and the Kalari, There is a particularly beautiful and intoxicating picture of Amma in the inner sanctum of the Kalari where she is quite young, maybe in her late teens or early twenties where she is clearly deep in samadhi (spiritual oneness with all--my definition).  She is absolutely beautiful and seems otherworldly in this photo.  I've never seen any replications of that particular photo for sale in the gift store, but if there was one, I would most certainly want a copy of it. The Kali statue in the sanctum of the Kali Temple is also very powerful and impressive.  Kali is the black goddess with an exposed bold red tongue holding many weapons in her many arms and hands and the heads of those demons she has vanquished.  She is known as "the destoyer," one who can cut through all of our bad tendencies to help us reach Self-realization.   In the early hours of the morning (usually 5am) when chanting occurs in the temple, she is backlit with lots of tiny lights and there is a small flame at the base of the statue that illuminates her form. She is also wearing many beautiful bright flowered garlands. 

#6  The incredible mix of people here from tiny babies (one 18 month old Western toddler is dressed in a little dhoti (the traditional Indian cloth wrap that men wear instead of pants) he looks so ADORABLE) to the oldest, most wrinkly, hunched over, gray haired Indian woman you can imagine......and everyone in between from all parts of the world. 

#7  Meditating on the beach of the Arabian Sea (it's really the water that is the focus as the beach is rather truncated by a very large and sturdy sea wall built of huge bolders to protect the land from the constant rolling and crashing waves.....particularly in response to the tsunami of several years back.)

What I will NOT miss:

#1  All the biting bugs (ants, mosquitoes, spiders) and the sundry of other bug creatures I've encountered ....... but then that would be true of anywhere, not just here.

#2  Not being able to get my hair really clean.  I have so much shampoo residue build up that I feel like for the last 4 weeks all I am doing is just shampooing my shampoo left over from my last attempts to wash my hair. Any YET, the air is so humid here, my hair is just a wild crown of curls and waves--no limp hair here, no matter how much shampoo residue build up I have.

#3  Sleeping under a mini-tent mosquito net--though I am so very grateful to have it here now

#4 The absolute dearth of any whole grains and fresh fruits and vegetables

#5  Always having to be on the alert to make sure we have filtered drinking water in the flat as the tap water is not safe to drink, at least not for Westerners.

#6  The lack of easy washing facilities for our clothes and being able to get them really clean.  

#7  Squat toilets with no toilet paper (I always carry some in my little shoulder purse as I have made only the feeblest attempts to learn the Indian way of wiping).

Now I am just whining............WAHHHHHH..........these are really pretty insignificant in light of the big picture.

What I am most looking forward to upon returning to NYC:

#1  Getting myself disciplined to do my daily sadhana (spiritual practices), the repertoire of which, has expanded considerably given all that I want to incorporate from the practices I have learned while here. 

#2  Washing my hair and our clothes really well

#3  Eating a big fresh green salad with tons of raw vegetables paired with a fantastic piece of Amy's whole grain bread and biting into some wonderful pieces of delectable fresh fruit.

#4  Sleeping in my own bed

#5  Seeing Kelly who will be in NYC when we arrive

#6  Taking the two day Reiki training course in NYC..........It's interesting, on the advice of my therapist back about 30 years now, I had my aura read and she told me that I had tremendous healing power in my hands.  I was impressed with her reading in general as I felt that she was able to articulate many things I felt about myself that I'd not been able to put into words (not so much the healing in my hands--that was new info to me).  Anyway, I didn't do much with that information about my hands, but over time, more and more, I did incorporate some very light (and highly appropriate and socially acceptable) touching with my female adolescent anorexic patients. It proved to be such a powerful dimension of the overall intervention as most of thenm felt completely gross, unlovable, and untouchable. Amma's hugging darshan no doubt had a tremendous influence in my decision to incorporate touch in my work.  Well when I went to see the massage therapist/healer here in the ashram, she also did some aura reading with me and she too noted that my hands had a lot of healing power in them.  She suggested I train as a massage or Reiki therapist.  In general, I've been open to, while still maintaining a fair amount of skepticism towards non-evidenced based alternative therapies. But change is good for everyone and this is a good opportunity to try a different form of healing and see where it takes me. Maybe no where, maybe back to helping people suffer less. 

The re-entry to Western living will certainly happen quite immediately after leaving the ashram gates Thursday night and driving to Cochin, a fairly large city, from which we will be flying out of very early Friday morning.  While we will obviously still be in India as we make our way to the airport, in the larger cities and airports, they have definitely adopted a lot of Western style living.  Just today on the way to the university, we passed an open door of a tiny shop and there was a TV on.........it's the first TV we've seen since being here. Obvious too, is that I have been on the internet quite a bit of the time I've been here but it still feels very, very contained as we don't have internet access at the ashram--only at the university. So while in the borders of the ashram, we are not hooked in at all to Western living except for some of the food and even that is done "ashram style."  So our simple living of austerity and one focusedness will need to come from within ourselves once we leave. It will be a challenge to stay grounded in the midst of all that the Western lifestyle offers, especially at our standard of living. I hope I can hold on to much of what I've learned, experienced, and incorporated while here.  My email writings have been tremendously useful to me to imprint my time here. That they have stirred thoughts in others is a most wonderful side effect and maybe even the point. 

It's interesting, while here, we are all supposed to do at least an hour or two of selfless service, called seva.  There are lots of really challenging sevas (like cleaning the squat public toilets near the temple) and then there are sevas like mine, which means I get to work with my loving husband, in a nice office, with access to the internet, etc.  Not exactly the definition of selfless service I would have to be the first to admit. Given this scenario,  I thought that maybe I should do some other less desirable seva but each time I tried, it did not work out from the seva side which then left me time to write these detailed emails. So I am thinking that maybe it was my dharma (my calling, my duty) to write these emails that have stirred thoughts of spirituality in others or just brought them more understanding and pleasure in hearing what happens in a world far from them (literally and figuratively).  Amma knows my strengths are in the verbal realm and I think she is allowing me to do these writings as my seva.........though again, not exactly as selfless as other sevas.  Thank you all for allowing me to share my time here at the ashram with you and for taking the time to read my emails/blog posts and for responding as lovingly as you have.  It has added immeasurable joy to my time here.  There is so much I haven't shared, the intensity of the devotional singing and music here, how lively the evenings are in ashram as people gather in the communal areas (we have started staying up a bit later rather than retiring to our room by 8pm), the craziness of Bob trying to get any teaching in given all the Indian holidays that have been celebrated in the five weeks we've been here, the beautiful ashram swimming pool, watching people come off the outrageously crowded stage after having spent time around Amma, seeing all the college female students in their beautiful colorful saris in celebration of the various festivals, etc. 

I will no doubt be back for other several week stays. I now understand so much better Bob's desire to be here for longer stretches of time, though I doubt I could stay for as long as he would like.  Hopefully in future visits, I will adjust more quickly, settle in faster, and be that much more open and aware of all that I can soak in.  I am even flirting with the idea of going on Amma's European tour in the not too distant future, 10 cities in 6 weeks, traveling on the staff buses and sleeping with 150 other woman in the basement of sports arenas, showering in gym like facilities, and definitely doing massive amounts of selfless seva in helping with her programs in each of the cities she visits.  I know on the face of it, it sounds really grueling and it probably is, but I've enjoyed my time with the others here and it would be a relatively safe adventure unlike any other I've ever had.  We will see, I've got some time to figure it out.