Orphanage visit, monsoon rains, Lakshmi the elephant

Many people have sent me emails wanting to know how the visit to Amma's orphanage went.  As I mentioned very briefly, it was by far one of the most positive experiences I've had while here.  Before getting to the details of the visit itself, I should say a little about the 1 1/2 drive there.  First, even though up high views show so much jungle, driving through the jungle on the small village roads is a whole other story. It's amazing how many people have carved out living spaces in the jungle and from there spring up these little outdoor "convenience" stores to service them. A village may consist of maybe a handful of homes, an outdoor temple, a few small cow or goat pastures, and a convenience store. These dot the road ways amongst the relentless jungle growth.  The homes range from huts made of the native plants to simple cinder block construction with no visible wiring or plumbing or glass in the windows to very elaborate beautiful modern homes.  Most are  painted with very bright tropical colors.  For any constructed house, the roof is always flat with obvious use as the laundry facility--clothes drying in the sun and breeze. 

We drove through one really big city, Kollam, which is the Cashew Capital of the world!  Felt a bit of kindred spirit since my home town of  Firebaugh is the Cantaloupe Capital of the world. The traffic and noise was wild.  We drove home in a terrible rain storm which made the drive even more harrowing as Indians don't really have traffic lanes, you just drive in the free space of the road in front of you.  You have cars, trucks, buses, vans,bicyclist, motorbikes, rickshaws, etc all competing for that same space. At any given time, the road could be a two to 6 lane thoroughfare but with no change in the width of it!  The main point of driving in India seems to be to go as fast as you can, honk your horn as often as you can, and avoid oncoming traffic which is also using whatever free space it has in front of it. It's impressive how few accidents they have and the horn honking seems to be critical in alerting people your intentions of passing. Really crazy! Best not to look out the front window and hope you have a very experienced driver.

Now for the details of the orphanage visit..........First, there is a clear stigma attached to calling these children "orphans" and we were told that it can increase their bad karma so we were asked to just call them "the children."  The orphanage cares for between 400 to 500 children ages 10 to 15 years old.  Apparently in the state of Kerela, there are very strict laws about guardianship of a child under the age of 10.  While Amma would like to have these children come as early as age three, there are many prohibitions to being able to do that.   How children get here is varied.  Many have horrendous family situations such as witnessing their father kill their mother, being seriously malnourished, horribly neglected, victims of sexual and physical abuse, or families just do not have the resources to feed one more child.  Someone either brings the child to Amma's orphanage or they bring them to her when she is doing her tour program around various parts of India.  Obviously there is a great need for so many more children but for whatever reason (karma I suspect) these are the chosen few.  And chosen they are because once they come to Amma's orphanage, their lives change dramatically from being terribly cursed to be tremendously blessed.  I just can not fully describe how innocent, sweet, playful, curious, joyful, loving, inviting, engaged, and inspiring these children are. They all seemed incredibly attractive and physically beautiful.  The girls just love to hold your hand and have you sit near them. They are so welcoming (at least the ones that are not so shy they just peek down from their rooms to the courtyard we were visiting in). When we arrived we were served the traditional Indian Chai tea and feted to the boys playing traditional temple music and the girls performing both temple spiritual dances and tribal dances. We also sang devotional songs with them. The children are provided a top rate academic education as well as training in traditional temple rituals and spiritual practices, especially the girls, as many temple traditions have been the sole domain of men and Amma is all about women's rights. They are also trained in their tribal songs and dances as well as Sanskrit and learning the sacred texts of the Hindu religion. They are very healthy and well groomed and exude a genuine happiness. Some do look like their growth may have been stunted due to early deprivation but overall they all looked really good.  They are not at all exposed to any popular culture from what I could tell which may explain their innocence. Because we were largely a group of women going on this visit, we mainly spent time with about 60 of the girls. It was exam week at the school so many of the students were either in classes or studying. The boys joined us for the performances but then went back to their classrooms and dormitory.  In India, there are very strict cultural rules about males and females not mixing (though boys and girls are very affectionate with each other amongst their own gender).  I sat near the younger boys on the floor during the girl's dance performances and they were very curious about so many things. It's so adorable in that ALL the kids know at least one sentence in English "What is your name?" I must have said "My name is Rose." about 50 times. They gladly and proudly tell you their names which I needed to ask them to repeat at least twice or more as they are totally unfamiliar sounding to me. Some also know "What is your language?" After that, it's all about guessing, hand gestures, facial expressions, miming, etc. 

After the performances, there was a Q and A session and I asked what happens after the age of the 15. The response was that if it safe by then for children to return to their homes or villages then they are sent back with some kind of employable skill.  Amma has several projects in the city of this orphanage so the kids can learn various trades (the Amrita Hospital is a major site for vocational training as the kids can be trained from anything as varied as construction, maintenance, plumbing, electrician, patient care, cooking, office work, etc). If it is not safe for them to go home, then they will be employed at the one of Amma's projects and suitable housing will be found for them in the community.  If the child shows good academic capabilities and is desirous of attending college and graduate school then Amma will fully support all the expenses for them to do so. It's pretty amazing what Amma is willing to do for these children to turn their lives around. As is traditional in Indian culture, marriages are arranged by the parents for their children.  Since many of these children do not have parents, Amma will be the one to arrange their marriages and provide their dowries. The girls are quite giggly when talking about that. After the Q and A session and one more dance we were then served lunch by some of the older girls. After lunch we had a little over an hour to just hang out with the girls in the big courtyard between the dormitory and the new school being constructed.  I had hoped that we would have gotten to see their dorms and the actual classrooms but that didn't happen. 

When Amma was approached about taking over the orphanage over 20 years ago, it was at a time that the Ashram was just starting to attract more people and had outgrown its very small original space for holding meditation and darshan.  Amma's devotees had raised some funds to begin building a larger temple space but when Amma was asked to take over the orphanage, she gave all the money that had been raised for expanding the ashram to the children to make sure they had enough to eat, proper shelter and care, and schooling--apparently all of that had been severely lacking which is why she was asked to take it over in the first place. She put one of her long time bramacharinis, who loved children, in charge.  She has remained there for over 20 years. It's such an amazing story but classic for Amma caring about "her" children first and foremost. It's very sweet how the children call all of their adult female caretakers and even the female cook by their name followed by the word amma which means Mother. So if I worked with them, they would call me "Rose Amma."  I think out of respect for the children and the need to be fluent in Malayalam, the native language, they don't place any Westerners to work at the orphanage. It's all Indian bramacharis and bramacharinis and a few local people (like the cook). 

There is construction going on of a HUGE new school building because this school is one of the top rated schools in Kerela for Sanskrit and over 4000 day students come here to study as well. The director was saying that as soon as it is built, it will already be too small as the number of enrollees continues to grow. 

With respect to what song or game or dance I shared with the kids, I was saved from having to do any of those things and got to do what I do best!  Talk to teenage girls!!!  As it turns out, there was a shifting group of about 4 to 6 of the older girls (with a core of two girls) who really wanted to try to speak English.  So that was perfect.  One of the girls actually had a relatively reasonable grasp of the English language and was able to help with basic interpreting with the other girls who were joining in off and on. I felt my sign language skills came in very handy in our attempts to bridge the communication gap as many of the signs are iconic and offer a shared visual symbol. We actually covered a lot of territory.  One girl wants to be a computer engineer, another a police officer, and another a district manager.  They all want to get married but each only wanted one child. Two wanted a girl because they would be fun to dress up and the other wanted a boy because there is no fuss to dressing them.  They don't have a lot of desire for visiting America even though they are studying the US map now in school. They love India. We laughed when I told them my daughter is 25 because they thought maybe I was thirty and then I confessed that I dye my hair. They were excited that Kelly wants to be a doctor and thought she had a beautiful name.....I think because it sounds so close to a very high profile female Hindu Goddess, Kali. They asked about my husband's name and when I told them his Amma's Hindu given name,Vanamali, they were all very impressed and it just rolled off their tongue when they repeated it.  When I told them his American name, Bob, they tried to say it several times and just never quite got it. When they asked me about my job, I tried to explain about being a psychologist and working with deaf children and teens with anorexia.  Not really sure what they took away from that attempt.  By the end of our conversation, they were inviting me to stay and live and work at the orphanage.  A couple of the girls were passing around a notebook and asking us to sign it.  Athira, the girl with the best English, took a page and wrote me note with all the girls names I had been talking with and then wrote "Rose is the children's mother."  It was really sweet.  When we had to say goodbye, there was so much hugging, kissing of cheeks, waving and being escorted by the whole group back to our bus. The goodbyes took at least 15 minutes to get through.  So I totally lucked out and connected with the girls in a way that was very satisfying to all of us.  I will say that several of the other women came well prepared with simple games like hand string games or art supplies. The girls also loved seeing pictures and videos people were taking of them with their phones or cameras.  We had one 8 year Spanish girl on the tour with her mother and grandmother.  When she stepped off the bus, she was just swooped up by the girls, it was like she was in the middle of a beehive. They all wanted to touch her and play with her hair and see her doll and backpack. She handled it really well.  They included her in everything they did and just loved her to no end.  The boys were also very curious about her but had to limit their enthusiasm, which was kind of sad. It would have been fun to interact with them as well. 

So the visit was so joyful and uplifting and sweet, an exact reflection of the children's personas and Amma's ever flowing love.  I would recommend it to anyone coming to visit the Ashram. It will remain THE high point of my time here.

On the way back, I had a great conversation with a woman who has been traveling about the world and hasn't been home to Czechoslovakia for 3 years.  She is touring India on her own after she leaves the ashram then is off to New Zealand to work and make some money on a communal farm then on to Australia ("since it is so close to New Zealand") then off to South America after that to study with Shamans. I told her I could never do what she is doing.  She said she thought that same thing at one time in her life but then she just decided she wanted to see the world and now she is doing just that--she did say it was scary at times but more times very rewarding for all the people she has met and places she has spent time. I so admire that sense of openness to adventure and experience but I am way too anxious for anything like that. She also spent four months in Bellingham (a town about 60 miles from Seattle) and a week in NYC, so we could definitely share experiences of those places. 

Even though we missed Hurricane Irene in NYC, we had tremendous monsoon rains for several hours on Tuesday--totally cancelled our backwater boat tour (as did the rain again the next day). This was by far the most intense rain we've experienced in the four weeks of being here.  Just a constant downpour for over a couple of hours with majorly gusty winds.  Big puddles and rivulets forming everywhere. What we missed in NYC with the hurricane, we got a good taste of here with a major monsoon rain. Supposedly during the peak of the monsoon season, it's like what it was for these few hours today, all day every day for several weeks in a row. I don't know how people manage.

Just a little update about the elephant we visited.  Turns our this elephant, Lakshmi, is a rescued elephant given to Amma that has a history of abuse.  So I think the habitual head nodding up and down may be a long time behavior.  Anyway, I was so happy to see that Lakshmi was brought over to the ashram to be fed by Amma after she finished with her devotional singing.  We were able to get close enough in the crowd of people to watch her feed Lakshmi these huge biscuits (the size of someone's head) and bananas.  She would play with her and Lakshmi trumpeted several times with joy, almost like she was laughing.  Amma gave her a bucket of water to which Lakshmi promptly showered herself and everyone at the front of the crowd with sprays of water. It just made me so happy to see Amma shower so much attention on this sweet elephant after having seen it so seemingly isolated last week. It was interesting in that we went to a talk later that night given by Amma's main female swamini and she was saying we should all be like Lakshmi, continually saying "yes" to everything that Amma offers us. It was a very sweet analogy.

I want to thank everyone for being so sweet and engaged with these emails/posts I send out. It's been so joyful for me to share my experiences (the good and the less good) and feel connected while being half way around the world. 

more questions............

From Kathleen in response to my last email/posting:


So, you are not finding time to meditate nor to do yoga, and you eat out each day.  So, it is difficult to imagine exactly what you do on typical days.   Is your TA position all day?

And, now I am wondering what you are wearing---all white?  Flowing?

My response:

Always with the challenging questions!!  I want to say something first about eating out each day......when I use words like the Western Cafe or Canteen or the Indian Canteen, you can't use any Western conception of the words.  Especially for the Indian Canteen.  Because there are no cooking, microwave or refrigeration options in the flats here, there is no other choice except to eat out for each meal.  I brought a few crackers, dry cereal, canned juices, boxed milks, nuts, and dry fruit from NYC but it's hardly anything you can make any real meal out of.  Also, the ashram is feeding thousands of people at breakfast, lunch, and dinner so you are standing in lines that are trying to move people through as quickly as possible.  It's not like you sit at your own private table and someone comes to take your order and then you leisurely eat your meal, call for your check, pay and leave.  The reality is you are moving through a "buffet" table set up with huge pots or trays of whatever is being served for that meal, then vying for a place to sit in a not so large communal area, warding off flies and crows from your food, and mosquitoes from any bare skin revealed.  Additionally, most people have someplace else to be so the turnover is pretty quick of getting your meal and eating it.  Then you wash  your own eating ware and turn it in for reusing by the next people down the line.  At the Indian canteen, even though food is delicious, you can't EVEN begin to think about the hygiene of the place as I doubt it would pass muster with any State Health Department. You are just glad that everything they serve is grilled, boiled, fried, or baked such that any germs in the food have been annihilated.  The few times fresh food is served, we just take a handful of probiotic supplements and hope for the best.  So, all that is to say, I don't spend a lot of time in "eating out" despite the fact that there are really good cooks here in the Ashram. Actually it's not as bad as I have painted it just now, but it's not that far from the truth either.  We have had some nice conversations with people over some of our meals and there are some communal tables and benches that are outside of the sheltered eating area. 

Bob and I were looking down at the ashram grounds from the outdoor landing of the elevator on the 5th floor where our flat is and I was saying to him that it reminded me a lot of a small town we stayed in Mexico on the Yucatan Peninsula, Valladolid.  The grounds are all sandy clay dirt with open spaces between the various buildings and structures where people can gather to sit on benches and chairs or on the circular retaining walls around the trees that are sprinkled around the ashram. It really reminds me a lot of rural Mexico only with Hindu deities everywhere instead of Christ and the Virgin Mary. 

Some days I flow in white, thought not a sari, way too much fabric involved for that. I like to wear the oversized gauzy white cotton tops and skirts or billowing pants that are very standard wear here and then I have my long flowing white scarf. Other days I go "Western" --- clothes that are comfortable, modest, but certainly wouldn't stand out if worn in the states. Just depends on my mood!

And yes, I should meditate more.... I do at least close to 2 to 2 1/2 hours in the morning of meditation and chanting and then another couple of hours in the evening of some devotional practice like listening to Amma sing bhajans or to a talk by either Amma or one of her advanced swamis, or just sit and watch her give darshan to the thousands of people who come to see her. 

Most days I spend several hours at the University doing TA work and also on the internet answering emails and keeping up with what is going on in the outside world (a vice that is very hard for me to break). Then there is just the daily task of taking care of laundry, cleaning the flat, making various purchases for day to day things (the shops here are only open for window of about 2 hours twice a day (and not at the same time), so you have to hit them at the right time).  The time just goes...........Tuesdays are a big day with Amma during the day, she gives a talk and serves everyone lunch. I finally was able to spend an hour meditating at one of the very special places I wanted to make sure I got to. It was a really special meditation. 

I've just started to do 30 to 40 minutes of stretching each day in preparation for the upcoming yoga class. Doubt that will be enough but at least it is something.

So Kathleen, you busted me!  I am not terribly disciplined in general but have gotten considerably more so since being here--it's all relative..... and I am just a neophyte with lots of growing to do for sure!!!

BTW, the orphanage visit was AWESOME-- a major highlight of my time here.  I will write more about that in a separate email/posting.

Steering back to the mundane

Om Namah Shivaya,

After the last couple of fairly uncharacteristic self-disclosing emails, I am bringing this email back to the more day-to-day.  I will say that many who wrote back described my last two missives with words such as "brave" and "beautiful."  I am glad that for some, what I wrote brought quiet reflection, if it troubled others, that was certainly not my intention nor desire.  The words flowed from such a bountiful place in me, I just decided to go with the flow rather than to censor myself--which frankly is much more characteristic for me--to keep such thoughts to myself. Anyway, they are now out there in the cyber-universe creating whatever vibrations and/or reverberations. 

We are now into our fourth week here.  As an update, my skirmishes with the ants and mosquitoes continues unabated. I have brought more strategies into my arsenal which have helped a lot and if there is a win/loss column, then I think I may be winning......famous last words......  I finally had to pull out the REI camping mosquito net (kind of a mini tent) that I brought just in case. Thank goodness I did.  I set it up on my bed and each night I crawl into it, have Bob tuck me in and cocoon for the night. It's been very effective in stopping all night time mosquito bites and I am finally getting really good sleep. I feel like a butterfly emerging each morning now. Having to use the bathroom in the middle of the night is always a little tricky as there is no easy zippered opening, so I have to contort myself a bit to slither out and back in to it.  The daily ritual is now for both of us to shake out the sheets and hang them up, put up the sleeping mat that is on the floor, sweep the flat every morning, and squish any live bug (ants, mosquitoes, and the occasional small jumping spiders) in the flat (the rare ladybug is the exception--she always goes free). Bob has been really caring and is now squishing the ants some times and I tell him that I am taking on his karma for acting on my behalf. I've also taken to hanging my snack bag up on our clothesline--very much in the fashion of how you hang food when you camp to keep it away from hungry bears. I also started smearing on this concoction of all herbs known to repel mosquitoes that I bought at the ecology shop here. It works really well bringing me much relief and smells nice too! 

We found at least one of the elephants and were a bit distressed to see it chained to a close by tree displaying what looks like a nervous tic of shaking its head up and down--otherwise it looks very healthy.   I was under the impression that the elephants were being kept in a larger enclosed compound that gave them room to roam.  Maybe it was just an off day.  We thought there were two elephants so weren't sure where the other one was, if it is still here, or if where it is, is a much better place than where this elephant was yesterday.  None-the-less, we will visit this elephant at least once again and next time bring it some bananas as a treat. 

We took our first long walk yesterday in search of the elephants and also the Ayurvedic Medicine College and Ayurevdic Hospital (this is a very specific approach to understanding disease and healing of the body). They are a good walk away from the Biotechnology building and are on a separate campus which means we had to cross a number of village roads, cow pastures, small homes, an outdoor temple, and village stores. We reached the campus in a rather haphazard way but were impressed with what we saw when we reached our destination. The hospital provides a wide array of outpatient and inpatient services and what looked like a well stocked herbal pharmacy.  Just outside the campus they have a very extensive herb garden where they grow many of the medicinal plants they use as treatments. They have many beautiful murals related to vedic teachings and Amma around the buildings. There is a lot of construction happening at that campus as there is on this campus.  Once the entire university is completed here, it will be really stunning. 

I have to say that one of the fun things about being a TA here for Bob is that I have an official ID badge!!  Anyone who really knows me or has read earlier entries to the blog I've been keeping since moving to NYC knows how much I love having a badge hanging around my neck.  There is just something really grounding to me about having one. I've worn one for over 20 years while working at the Children's Hospital in Seattle and somehow having one just makes me feel more alright with the world.  I think it is reflective of that little touch of Aspergers I think I have. 

I have been able to spend meditative time at the beach on the Arabian Sea.  The pounding waves are hypnotic and just soaking up all those negative ions being thrown your way is pretty soothing and healing on all levels. The sunsets are so beautiful and I especially like it because it is usually windy out there so less concerns about mosquitoes.

My niece was asking me about food here and I was telling her that the Indian food sold at the Ashram is very authentic (most of the people at the Indian canteen do not speak English) and really delicious and remarkably cheap. Bob and I can purchase very filling meals for about the equivalent of 50 cents at the most. Breakfast is usually only about a US quarter.  Many of the foods I've never seen in the US and we have eaten at a lot of Indian restaurants. So we just take whatever is there and try it out.  We've not been disappointed very often.  We now have our favorites and are excited to see them when available. There is a Western Cafe and Western Canteen that sell much more familiar foods. Meals there are also inexpensive but about twice what you pay for a meal at the Indian canteen. I've not yet ventured over to the free Indian food line--it doesn't look very appetizing though hundreds line up for it (is it only because it is free???).  It's a very watery, soupy boiled white rice with an equally soupy vegetable curry served for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  I really should try it at least once before I leave. Once I am over the sniffles I have, we are going to try the Indian milkshakes and lassis they sell here too.  So far, with the yogurt and probiotics we take everyday, we've not had any GI problems. Keeping our fingers crossed!!!!!!!!!!!

I have to say that I do love the sight of all the flowing white saris and shawls of the many, many, many renunciates and devotees here. There is just something rather surreal of so much flowing white. 

I've made a long list of things I want to make sure I do before I leave here.  Given the relatively small size of the ashram, it's actually quite surprising just how much there is to do here if you were to take advantage of every service or activity available. For all that I have done, and will do, before I leave, I doubt it's an exhaustive list by a long shot.

Activities to which I am looking forward:

Tomorrow (Monday) I am going to visit Amma's orphanage in a neighboring town.  She was asked to take over this orphanage over 20 years ago when those who were operating it could no longer afford to do so. Those of us going will get a tour of the facility, see what the children are learning, be treated to cultural dance and singing performances, meet the children, and have lunch and tea there.  When I signed up to go, I was encouraged to think of a song, dance, or game to share with the children once there. Hmmmmm, not sure what I will share--those activities are not exactly playing to my strong suit. 

On Tuesday afternoon, we will take a 1 1/2 boat tour along the backwaters out to the Arabian Sea. We did this the last time we were here four years ago and it was so beautiful and relaxing. I am hoping for a similar experience this go around as well.

We start an intensive four day yoga training class on Friday with an orientation on Thursday afternoon. Lucky for me we are signed up for the Level 1 session. Friends here are taking the Level 2 now and it sounds really grueling. I am a bit concerned whether I will able to do 3 1/2 hours of yoga per day for the four days of training (split up between morning and afternoon sessions).  I have been so sedentary since being here and haven't done any yoga since moving from Seattle. The hardest thing for me will be the heat of the room as there is no air conditioning and heat is supported as being good as it loosens the muscles and joints.  I just wilt in heat. About 2 years ago, trying to do even one Bikram Hot Yoga class completely did me in.  Bob will probably love it, as this is very much what he is used to, and has been very regularly attending his hot yoga classes in NYC.   

Still trying to find the right time to meditate in a couple of very special and sacred places here in the ashram.  Main problem is timing---they are only open to the public for slivers of time during the day. I need to get more focused on figuring out when to be at the right place at the right time. 

Okay, more than enough for now. 

PS  If you are inclined to pray or send hopeful thoughts, please send them out to those in path of Hurricane Irene. We are both glad to be here so as not to be in danger but also wish a little we were there in NYC to witness the power of nature. 

Thoughtful questions requiring thoughtful answers

These are two questions sent from a friend in relation to my last email/blog post and my answers:

Rose,

You made an analogy w Christianity and asked what we would do should Christ come to earth.
so:

1. how do you incorporate, or not, any of your Christian beliefs or heritage into your current "search" ---you may not but I recall Bob doing both in past


2. Do you think that the opportunity to live in NYC was part of a larger "plan" to test or strengthen or explore your commitment

I really like hearing from you about your experience
Kathleen


Good Questions Kathleen!  

The second is easier to answer than the first.  I have absolutely no doubt that the opportunity to live in NYC is part of a much larger plan to strengthen my commitment. The move completely removed the barriers I had set in my own mind about not having the time, being too stressed, etc to engage in structured daily practice beyond the minimal -- though I did try to maintain a specific attitude throughout my day. Now, in NYC, I have very little if any stress in my life and my time is my own, I structure it the way I want to and participate in activities of my own choosing. I have my responsibilities as a wife and life partner which I take very seriously and try my best to fulfill fully and with a positive attitude (which was not always the case when I was working so much in Seattle). The move also freed me up to make this trip with Bob which I had not been able to do because I was always working each of the 3 times he came before.  Bottom line, I don't have any more excuses (at least not real ones, lame ones abound) for not acting on my commitment to a more structured spiritual practice.  It's kind of weird to be so focused on this topic of spiritual growth because for the most part, I am not that changed. I still like to have a good time, enjoy being out and about in the city, love being with friends and family, being open to exploring pretty much anything and everything. I guess I think about my spiritual growth as the backdrop and frame to trying to be my best accepting, loving, and caring self whenever and wherever--which does not translate to be a doormat.  It's about being more detached from the outcome and discerning of what is actually needed in the process of the interaction. If it is only about boosting or securing my own ego/desires, then I need to learn to let those interactions go, if it about securing justice and fairness then those things are worth fighting for and maybe even sometimes with anger.   I think engaging in structured spiritual practice keeps me more focused on tuning into and developing that discernment and detachment.

So that kind of leads me to your first question which is a bit more complicated (or maybe not by the time I get my thoughts down). First, I love Jesus Christ. Growing up Catholic, going to a Catholic school first through eighth grades, and being taught (and favored) by nuns was such a powerful, impacting experience for me.  I felt very close to Christ and the Virgin Mary and talked freely with God about many things as a child.  So I think I have had leanings toward spirituality my whole life. But children grow up and my own perceptions over time were that despite my love for Christ, God, and Mary, it was not anywhere near enough to be okay (for me, very personally speaking) with the larger Church structure (Catholic and otherwise) that I felt completely warped and corrupted much of Christ's teachings for their own gain and power.  I then decided to leave the Catholic Church but still maintain my relationship with Christ, God, and Mary.  Over time, I tried to go back to the Catholic Church, especially when Bob came into my life because he was a convert to Catholicism--but I just couldn't do it.  I did have one very productive talk with a priest during this time. I told him about my situation and concerns and asked very specifically whether it was okay to take communion if and when I did go to mass. He told me that we all need spiritual nourishment and that I should take communion whenever I went to mass regardless of my current practices. I felt so blessed to have that permission and so now take it freely and thankfully whenever I do go to mass, which is mostly when I am home with my family. So, even though I wasn't particularly looking for another spiritual teacher, Amma came into my life.  Despite ALL of my MASSIVE skepticism, doubt, and resistance (which I cannot even begin to express the level of resistance I initially had to meeting her--it took Bob two years of coaxing me to meet her), it was obvious after meeting her twice that she is a realized spiritual master and teacher, an enlightened being alive currently on this earth. Some reading this may find the next statement blasphemous, but I believe She and Christ share the same cosmic consciousness. Amma makes no request or demand that she be the only spiritual teacher you have.  Therefore I get to have it ALL:  My relationships with Christ, God, Mary, and Amma.  All building and scaffolding on each other, enhancing my spiritual growth and, the best part of all, is that Amma has gifted me (us) with Her presence in a human body in the here and now. Were Christ to do that now, in as concrete a way as Amma is doing, then I would go visit him at his Ashram too!

What to make of it so far..........

Om Namah Shivaya,

We are now two weeks into our time here at the Ashram. A routine is definitely setting in and I am starting to understand the rhythms of the ashram a bit more. I've had the very good fortune to be taken on a more extensive tour of the ashram by one of the renunciates named Kamala.  The ashram has grown so much since we were here last in 2007.  They are adding several new residence buildings as more and more people want to live here at the ashram. It's an interesting process about "buying" a residence here......very different that what Westerners are used to. From what I understand, it's kind of a combination of time share model (unless you live here permanently) mixed with eminent domain. In that you have use of the flat when you are here at the ashram--notifying them well ahead of the time of your arrival,  but when not staying here, the flat is available for the ashram to assign to others to use as determined by the ashram. And if you are here and staying in your flat but the ashram needs to house a lot of visitors (sometimes they have 10's of thousands of people visiting for certain festivals or events), they have the right to place people in your flat with you. You may have noticed all the locking cabinets in the pictures I sent of the flat we are staying in.  This is the reason for such a need. So much opportunity to practice detachment and acceptance! Some people really fix up their flats quite comfortably and a few are right on the beach and really do have amazing views looking directly out to the Arabian Sea (these are rare and long time permanent devotees and residents have them). 

What used to be a big pond area is now completely filled in and is a very small pasture for about 5 cows (and a soon to be calf) that are direct descendants of the ancient cows during Krishna's life.  Supposedly there are only 60 cows left from that time (about 5000 years ago--Krishna was believed to have been born in approximately 3000BC). The smaller sized cows get a lot of attention and affection from the ashram residents and visitors. As you might imagine, the kids here just love them. I also was shown the five "regular" milking cows and cow barn. There are two adorable calfs there, a golden brown one and a black and white one.  The milk from these cows is used, when Amma is in the ashram, for the special Indian tea that is made here daily called Chai (it's delicious and has a good caffeine kick to it). When she is away from the ashram touring in India (or wherever in the world) there are significantly less people staying at the ashram. During those times, there is enough milk to be had for all the remaining residents and the few visitors here. They do pasteurize the milk rather than drinking it raw. Growing Tulsi basil is another growing (literally) cottage project here.  They are cultivating more and more of it for it's tea, medicinal, and bead making properties (the beads are for wrist and neck malas (sacred bracelets and necklaces)). Amma would also like for those affiliated with the ashram to grow enough rice and vegetables so that the ashram is self supporting for those food items. Kamala was telling me that is such a huge project because sometimes the ashram prepares food for 20,000 people for one day and Indian's really like their rice. On a smaller scale they have started to do some roof top gardening of vegetables and have a few small gardens scattered around the ashram grounds. They are also starting to cultivate garden area for some fruit trees. The two elephants that used to live on the ashram are now living over on the University side of the mainland because they have a lot more room to roam and are much happier there. I am hoping that we will be able to take a walk there soon and visit them. She also walked me through some of the village that directly adjoins the ashram property. Given the extreme rural location of the ashram, the villagers live in makeshift huts, have no indoor plumbing or electricity and situate their outhouses cantilevered over the backwaters. Because of the vast cultural differences in language, customs, and culture, visitors to the ashram are discouraged from wandering through the village and mixing with the villagers.  Often times, Westerners think they are being generous in "helping" the villagers but more times than not the villagers are being opportunists with who they believe to be "rich" Westerners which often leads to significant misunderstandings and difficulties.  

Two of the more interesting projects that are new is 1) the chocolate making "factory" which is up in a large room in the Ayurvedivc Wellness Clinic (a clinic dedicated to Eastern Medicine practices). We had some last week that was quite good--dark chocolate and coconut. Right now, it is mostly just sold here at the ashram and whenever Amma is on tour--it is sold in the tour program gift shop. and 2) Wig making......Amma heard about the Locks for Love program in the US which collects hair and makes wigs for cancer patients.  With so many female renunciates in the ashram she asked them to cut their hair and donate it to this project.  It's just getting started and they sent an older renunciate to a wig making program in the larger city of Madras, India to learn to do this. So once this project gets up and going, there will be an opportunity for very poor cancer patients in India to be given a wig if they want.  One of the challenges is that most Indian women have very long hair and so will want a wig of very long hair, which is hard to come by.

I was able to witness two very sacred ceremonies a couple of nights ago: A homa and a puja. Both are very involved in ritual for prayer and chants expressed, special items used (eg, flowers, ghee, incense, wood, water, special containers) performed by a bramachari (Indian "priest"), and done with very specific intentions.  The homa involves the use of fire built in a small specially decorated pit.  Having grown up a Catholic, I am used to a fair amount of ritual as with the mass, but this makes the mass pale in comparison.  Both are quite beautiful, especially the puja which has more chanting, flowers, and a small flame.  At the end of the ritual, blessed water is placed in your cupped hand to drink followed by a dollop of blessed rice pudding also placed in your palm. An interesting variation of the wine and host offered at the end of the Catholic mass. 

I've talked to a few Western people who are living here or other Amma-related ashrams for very long times (10 to 20 years and going strong). For those I've talked with, the decision to do this was so clear and resolute for them. I am no doubt talking to a select sample as they are still very engaged and happy with their decision and their lives in the ashram; there are likely others who tried it and left but alas I won't be talking with those folks--at least not on this trip. It is really hard for me to get my head around just how seemingly easy and straightforward the decision was/is for them. How they are clear that all they want is just to be around Amma and live within a community that works to exemplify her teachings of love, caring for all living beings and the earth, spiritual awakening and enlightenment.  I guess one way to think about it is that it is akin to being so loving of Christ that if Christ came to earth and said you could live with Him would you drop everything to move half way around the world to be guided directly by him, living in a cultural and community setting vastly different than what you are used to--all because you wanted so much to only experience your life near him. I think to some extent that is what nuns and monks do within a Christian religious tradition but scale it up by several thousand more people (including married celibate couples and children (before they were celibate!)) than what is traditionally found in monasteries and convents.   I am learning quickly that I am definitely falling into the camp of what is called " a householder" though I did have a romantic flirtation with being a nun in middle school until the hormones kicked into full gear.  A householder is a person who is devoted to the teachings of Amma but not committed to living within the more insular ashram community. I honestly don't believe it is a question of how deep a devotion you have as to whether you live in the ashram or not. I think it has much more to do with what you think you need to grow spiritually. Some people need the proximity to Her and get so much out of it--and no doubt being here supports far more spiritual practice. Others can carry Her internally and just need to enact a higher level of discipline to doing their daily sadhana (spiritual practices and living by her teachings). I am grateful for this life experience of being here to gain better clarity on what my path is.  I think in the past I have confused the idea of spiritual surrender with leaving everything behind.  Intellectually, I know that is the not the only path but it felt that true devotion required that.  Now I know intuitively that is not so.  Now it is really about the commitment of exacting the necessary discipline for spiritual practice in the face of so much Western distraction.  Before coming here, it was so hard for me to do my daily 75 minutes of morning meditation, chanting, prayers, and singing as I am so easily distracted by getting on the internet to read email or reading the paper or eating, getting the laundry done, etc), here the morning sadhana of 2 1/2  plus hours goes very quickly because none of those distractions are available in our flat and there are very set times to be in the temple for the morning chanting. How to translate that when I get back to NYC will be the challenge, and if I can do it, then no doubt I will have grown spiritually from having been here.  Detachment from those distractions first thing is the morning and prioritizing my sadhana will be my goal.  Bob is already amazingly good at doing that.  I really need to use him more as a role model than I do now.  

Pictures taken from viewpoints in and around the ashram

I think these following pics speak for themselves...........

Our flat:  cozy and functional



The last two photos show a the view of the Arabian Sea from our back window and a view of the laundry facilities here at the ashram.  Everything is hand washed and air dryed. There are no washing or drying machines here.

The next set of pictures is of the backwaters separating the ashram from the ashram affiliated Amrita university and the bridge that connects the two.

You can see that the University just rises out of the forest on one side as does the ashram with it's several high rise residence buildings on the other side.

The next pics give you an idea of just how expansive nature is that surrounds the ashram--namely the coconut tree forests and the Arabian Sea..  There are also lots of trees in the ashram where lots of exotic birds roost in the evening (comorants, egrets, bald eagles) as well as pigeons and crows.

The next set of pictures is very fun in that it follows the trail off the bridge that we take to get to the University and our office in the Biotechnology Department. It is such a wonderful contrast of very typical Indian village scenes that lead to this incredible state of the art university where scholars and experts from all over the world come here to teach and conduct research. Most of those who teach here are uncompensated and are here because they are devotees of Amma.  The architecture of the buildings is very Indian and what is most amazing is that EVERYTHING is pretty much done by manual labor with fairly primitive tools.  And if machinery is used, it is really dated and makeshift.  Yesterday we saw three young boys making the concrete molds from scratch for the decorative wall surrounding one of the buildings.  They are doing this in small batches with painstaking care and precision and HUNDREDS of these decorative molds are needed. It's going to take a long time for this wall project to be done.

Now you have a sense of our day to day walk to work!

Tolerances and Blessings

Om Namah Shivaya,

While I don't plan to post at every two day intervals, being here is such a fresh experience for me that the "settling in" phase goes deeper and deeper each day. Just wanted to enter a few thoughts about it while they are fresh in my mind.

I think it is very easy to have a romanticized vision of life in an ashram. At least for me here, I am still grounded (for better or worse) in my "Western" mind and expectations so am learning to tolerate many things here in this living situation that I would probably walk away from if staying somewhere in the states (though I have to say, I've stayed in some pretty funky places in the good ol' US of A). Yesterday, I made a list of all the blessings (or what I experience to be Amma's grace) I've received since traveling here and all the "downsides" of being here (what better example of a Western mind at work??). It came out to be a 3 to 1 ratio of really wonderful experiences of blessed grace to "lessor" experiences I am learning to live with--though really that ratio is simply an absolute mathematical statement, in reality, the weighting is much heavier for the value, depth, and breadth of the blessings. So with appropriate weighting, it is likely more like a 20 to 1 ratio of "good" to "lessor". It's very much like a marriage, your partner isn't perfect but there is so much good in them you are willing to put up with their more annoying aspects.

So here are things I am learning to tolerate, and hoping that over time, instead of these things "getting old fast," they just become routine and familiar and fade into the background of my experience while I soak up the amazing vibrations here (can you believe I talk like this now??--I've always been a such a skeptic and pragmatist).

1) Mold and rust are just so prevalent here---the year round hot/warm steamy/humid weather is just a breeding and cultivating ground for both. It takes constant effort to keep both at bay, and for lots of structures inside and out, it seems to be a losing battle. So when I say we have a nice flat, it really means that it only has a minimal amount (all relative to how bad it can get here) of rust and mold. The ashram is in a constant state of painting and repair because of the mold and rust. For the most part they are winning, especially when it comes to the most important and sacred buildings, but it is a lot of work.

2) Ants and mosquitos are plentiful here though the ashram works really hard at mosquito abatement which overall is pretty successful. though on any given day, despite wearing long sleeves and long pants, I can always count on getting at least a couple of bites. Those mosquitos are fast and furious when they do get to you. Luckily, if I don't scratch at them, the intense itching sensation goes away in about 15 minutes, so it's a good lesson in restraint and patience. The ants I've already discussed--but wow, they are just EVERYWHERE, food present or not. One is crawling on my computer screen as I write. It's not like there are hundreds in any given place, there maybe only a handful here and there but it is a constant few here and there. I am trying to get better at ignoring them if they aren't really doing any harm like trying to get into my food and adopting others' approach of "just make friends with them."

3) Steady streams of trash is just outside of the ashram on the way to the University. In the ashram, they keep it generally very clean but because thousands live or visit the ashram day in and day out, they can't keep it spotless. It's funny, I live with so much trash everyday in NYC that it has helped me some in tolerating it here better on this visit than my last visit four years ago when I visited India while still living in Seattle.

4) The heat is not nearly as bad as when I was here four and eight years ago but it still can be hot and humid when there is no air circulation. This is as good a time of year to be here as any since you do get some cool breaks in the evening and early morning and enough breezes during the day to make it quite tolerable.

5) The constant feeling of being sticky or sweating (combine that with a hot flash and just see what a good time that can be!). Showers help for about maybe 10 minutes. Speaking of showers, there is no such thing as hot and cold running water here, just one dial that opens the shower head or faucet. What you get is whatever temperature the water happens to be in the water storage unit which is usually cold (tepid at best) relative to one's usual experience of a shower. I am actually getting to really like the cold showers even in the cool morning temperatures as it sets a very good memory for the day---in the heat and stickiness of the day, I can think fondly of the chilliness of the morning shower. It's a good coping strategy.

6) Hair is just always a "bad hair" day here. At least for me anyway. My hair just goes crazy, gets all wavy and curly with wisps of hair that cannot be contained--no matter how many headbands, hairclips and rubberbands I use. No hairdryers are allowed because of the drain on the electrical system here,and besides, the effect would not last long and the idea of putting a hot dryer anywhere near me is just crazy. I also feel like I can never quite get it as clean as I do in the states. I think it may be the water here which is not filtered in the showers, just for the drinking water stations around the ashram where people fill up their water bottles. If I were living here permanently, I would probably just shave my head.

7) The limited fresh food that is safe to eat. While there is food aplenty here, and quite delicious, Westerners have to be very careful about eating anything fresh (same as if traveling in Mexico). I am so used to a very steady stream of fresh, raw fruit and vegetables in my diet, that is just not the case here. The safest thing is to eat very well cooked foods and only fresh fruit with heavy skins or rinds (think oranges, pomegranites, bananas).

8) The distance from famly and friends. While I have been dealing with the long distance from family and friends over the last year with the move to NYC, at least there it is easy to hop a plane and be there in one day. Here not so easy--try flights that only go out a few times a week and take a couple of days in flight time and lay overs. That is probably the most unnerving thing for me to stay calm about.

So as not to burst the bubble of the beauty of being here with such conditions, in reality, all of the above pale in comparison to what I have already received in the way of grace by being here. I could list them out same as above but most are really intangible and so particular and private to me, it would be hard to put into words for others to understand or to appreciate the magnitude of seemingly small events.

One thing I will share is that when I went to get my massage yesterday, I thought I was going to get a typical "spa" like massage, a "get blissed out" kind of experience. It turned out to be a very intense, emotionally deep experience which felt like it amounted to about 20 hours of intense therapy and it was physically painful. At times she was kneading places so deep, I thought she was going to push clear through skin, muscle, and bone. She gave good reasons for what she was doing and why I experienced it as so painful (apparently others do not find it painful at all), no doubt over time, it became bearable--but so much for the "spa" massage I had been expecting. The woman giving me my massage was amazingly intuitive, articulate, insightful, loving, caring, challanging, healing...... and I could go on and on........ I am planning to see her weekly while here as I've never had such a deep experience as I did in the care of her hands. I was just blown away at the end of the hour. It's those kinds of experiences that make every downside listed above shrink to mere "eh."

I have been exploring the Kali Temple a bit more and cannot believe what a labrynth it is. It has so many rooms and hidden nooks and crannys from top to bottom (it has about 4 floors plus an above ground basement like structure on which it stands). It's amazing how many people, businesses, and services are situated in it). So much more to discover. I am taking a tour soon to get a much better sense of all that the ashram offers. I visited a friend who has a flat on the 16th floor of one of the residence buildings. The views of the seemingly never ending coconut tree forest, the backwaters, and the Arabian sea are unbelievably spectacular and beautiful from their flat and floor balcony. You can see lots of exotic birds nesting in the tall trees. We will get pictures of those views and send them out next week though I doubt they will do justice to the live view.

Shanti (peace),

Rose

Settling into Ashram life at Amritapuri, India

Om Namah Shivaya (very traditional greeting salutation here at the ashram generally indicating a reverence for God the Supreme Being),

We are settling in nicely here at the ashram (for those getting this first installment -- Bob and I are here at Amma's ashram, Amritapuri, in Kerala, India for five weeks). Bob so loves it here that I think it totally biased his description of our flat (saying in an earlier email we had a flat that overlooked the Arabian Sea). While we do have a very nice flat relative to ashram standards where austerity is the rule, it would be wrong to give the impression that we are in a view room.  We do have a distant view of the Arabian Sea if you look beyond the coconut trees (Bob's description and the reality remind me of real estate agents' description of view apartments which often offer only a tiny sliver of a view of what they say you can see). Regardless, it is a nice flat and what it lacks in actual sea views it more than makes up for in having a very lovely view from the back window of the Kali Temple (there are only two windows in the flat--one that faces out to the corridor that provides the passage entry way to all the flats on that floor and a back window which in our case faces out to the temple) . The Kali temple is a magnificent structure that functions as a temple, housing for many of the very long term residents devoted to a spiritual life (equivalent of priests and nuns), and business offices for running the ashram and providing visitors and residents with various services (e.g., travel arrangements, internet stations, small shop that sells clothing and various spiritually oriented items, a second hand store, massage, check in for staying here, etc).  It's such an interesting mix of the most ancient with the modern.  Taking pictures is not allowed on the ashram grounds (as this is not a tourist destination or attraction but a sacred place of spiritual learning and living). If you go to the amritapuri website, you can get a good idea of what the temple looks like.  I will try to get some photos of nearby sights not on the ashram grounds and forward them to you all over the next week or so. 

During the day, the weather can be steamy due to the high humidity at times and it's not very hard to work up a sweat, but in general, when in the shade and with the occasional to common breeze, it is really quite lovely.  All the rooms have fans and that helps tremendously as it can be pretty stifling in a room with no air circulation. The night time weather is extremely pleasant and that is the reward for any earlier challenges with the daytime temps and conditions. We are here during the tapering of the monsoon season so it has rained some part of each day we've been here thus far and some have been real downpours. 

Even though our sleep cycle is still way off, we are trying to settle into a routine such that we arise at 4:15am to be ready for the 5am morning prayers, meditation, chanting, singing, and arati (a very lovely spiritual purifying ceremony) that go on for a bit over an hour in the Kali Temple for the women and the huge program temple for the men.  We then prepare our morning tea at the common hot water dispenser, come back to our flat and do our own private meditation and get our things together for the rest of the day.  We then head to the dining hall (a semi-open space where if you aren't careful if you step away for a moment, a hungry crow might swoop down and help itself to your breakfast) and have breakfast either of the Indian version (idly and sambar) or familiar Western version.  Hopefully there is fresh yogurt (called kurd here) available. They make it fresh each day and it is very popular and goes fast if you don't get to the dining hall in time.  Yesterday there wasn't any because it wound up turning into cheese instead of yogurt.  After breakfast, we head over to the biotech department at Amma's University which is across the backwater and about a 10 minute walk from the ashram. We take the bridge that was built after the tsunami hit here and made it very clear that people needed a more reliable evacuation route to the mainland than depending on small boat ferries to take people across. Bob works on his Morgan Stanley work as well as preparing for his two statistics courses he is teaching here.  I am his teaching assistant and am pulling together the course materials, organizing them, finding resources on the internet to assist with the instruction, etc. We share a small office together (with the fan on and the window open, it is really a nice temp to be working in). The office is nicely situated in that the one window that faces to the outdoors is next to a path that many students walk so we feel very steeped in the college atmosphere of the University here. We haven't quite figured out our meals for the rest of the day as the days differ here for what is going on in the ashram (for example, today Amma served lunch to everyone (close to a thousand people), other days there are many visitors (several thousand) as Amma has a public darshan) etc. There is a dining hall here on campus that we may wind up using, for lunch anyway, depending on how Bob's schedule shapes up as he starts teaching his classes. We eventually make our way back to the ashram, and again, what is happening there in the evenings is different on different days whether it be the ongoing public darshan that Amma started at 11am earlier that day or it may be devotional singing or an instructional spiritual talk. At this point, our sleep has been so out of whack, we are usually exhausted by 8pm or 8:30pm and in bed by 9:30pm only to sleep for maybe a couple of hours or so, before our internal biological clocks tell us it is our normal New York City daytime "so wake up and get going."  It will be nice when we finally get 6 or 7 straight hours of sleep again. 

We've seen several people we know here from our US connections and that is really nice and comforting. I have a massage scheduled for Wednesday that I am looking very forward to and there are a number of activities I hope to get to before leaving here, including meditating on the beach of the Arabian sea. The ashram offers a lot of opportunities for being around Amma now that she is in residence and not out touring. It's a really nice atmosphere so far. 

On the much more mundane side of things, I am doing small skirmishes with some ants in our flat, not very many but enough that if I don't stay on top of it, it could become a problem. I brought some food with me from NYC to help with the transition from my usual diet to ashram food diet.  I've got all that food wrapped and wrapped in plastic zip lock bags which so far has been successful but it doesn't stop the few persistent ants who still what to have a try at it. I've tried being relatively humane to them by giving them ample warning (in the way of spreading clove oil as a deterrent) that I mean business if they keep coming into our flat.  So for those that do still come in, they wind up being squished.  Bob is unwilling to do that and I am no doubt accruing a lot of karma by squishing them but it may be good karma in that I am setting their souls free to become higher beings than an ant or it could be really bad karma in killing these creatures.  I hope they are coming to our flat in order to attain liberation from their current life station and know I will not disappoint in getting them there.  On a side note, ants come in a lot of different sizes here........from really really tiny to more normal size with several variances between the two. 

So now being three days into our five week stay, I would say we are settling in really well and I, personally, am receiving tremendous grace from Amma in having a good experience at the start of this five week stay.  I know Bob would eventually love to live here for several months out of the year when he retires and I think Amma is gracing him by gracing me with the support that I could possibly be fine with that too.

waving goodbye to NYC from Wave Hill Gardens

Margaret and I had a really fabulous visit to Wave Hill Gardens in the Bronx. The gardens are situated on the cliff overlooking the Hudson River. Terrific views of the NJ Palisades. Such a calm and serene place. Weather was absolutely perfect...what heat wave? We lunched under the shade of a big tree taking in the view and the vibe there. They do a really great job of having many plants in bloom throughout the year. It's  only 22 acres but there are quite a few different gardens, view points, microcosisms, lovely buildings to wander through, and lots of wonderful small places to tuck into for a bit more privacy. several fantastic pergolas to walk under and sit a spell. most striking to me above everything was a MAGNIFICENT Copper Beech tree that clearly was an elephant in another life. so amazing the similarties of the color, texture, folds in bark, size, shape of the trunk and branches,  everything!! I was so taken by it I could hardly leave it. There was also the most amazing aquatic lily pad that looked like the most intricate mosaic design. Nothing like I've seen before. I just had to get a membership which was only $40 bucks and gives recipricol admission to several other wonderful gardens throughout the five boroughs. it was the perfect sendoff to my upcoming trip to India. NYC has a way of making sad to go and lovelorn each time I leave the city. Am excited to take others there upon my return. We are waiting for our flight now.... hope to be able to make some entries from India and will try to do better with adding pictures. Wish ihad some to share of the sights from Wave Hill. Google it for details.

A very CARNI weekend in California

Carni as in Carnival (The Firebaugh Canteloupe Roundup was in full swing while I was visiting my mom) and carnivorous as in total abandonment of my vegetarianism.  My mom made me her, actually quite famous, beef tacos and then we made 4 dozen beef enchiladas which is one of my favorite dishes when I was growing up (we froze most of them for future use). Also had barbequed pork ribs for my sister's 60th birthday celebration.

My hometown of Firebaugh, CA is the cantaloupe capital of the world,  We supply the world with cantaloupes! When I was a kid growing up, there was a cantaloupe parade (in which I performed in multiple years (either playing my clarinet or doing folk dancing), a cantaloupe queen and attendants (based on fundraising ticket sales, not necessarily beauty), dances every night of the 4 days, the roundup carnival, big truckloads of free cantaloupes, and lots and lots of food booths put on by the local churches and community organizations to raise funds for their various activities. It's a much smaller affair these days but still a significant community event. My mom's beef taco recipe was the featured item for the St. Joseph's Church Altar Society booth.  Those tacos gained a statewide reputation and people came from miles and miles for those tacos, ordering a dozen at a time. It was their biggest money making event for the year.  My mom headed that taco booth for decades then gave it up when my dad died four years ago.  It was just too painful for her to do it without him helping.  All of us in my family helped in some way with that taco booth over the years.  Once it changed hands, they changed the recipe and within two years it went completely downhill, people complained about the change and whoever was now in charge stubbornly refused to go back to the original recipe. After another dismal year the booth closed down. So while I was home and because the carnival was in town, I asked my mom to make me some original recipe St. Joseph's Church Altar Society beef tacos, which she most lovingly did!  I have to admit that I did make a change to make them less fattening which was to not fry the corn tortilla before stuffing it with the seasoned shredded beef, lettuce, tomato, and parmesan cheese.  It still tasted GREAT!  My mom and niece had the real  deal, fried tortilla and all.  Great memories with that meal.  Then because beef enchiladas take a lot of work to make the enchilada sauce and season the ground beef correctly, my mom just can't do it on her own anymore. I told her I would help her make several dozen so she could freeze them for future use.  They freeze really well and they make for a great dinner when she has company. It was a really good project for us to do together and then getting to eat the product of our efforts was fabulous. I also love bbq pork ribs and have about zero discipline when it comes to eating meat when it is all around me. Bob is so much better at being able to resist and stay with his vegetarianism. So even though I feel terribly guilty after eating meat, it doesn't impact me much when it comes to the next meal.  I try to think of it as an experience in cultural melding--when in Firebaugh, do as the Firebaughians do (to paraphrase a well known saying).  Had a really great visit with my family, got to see a lot of my sisters, nieces, nephew, grandnieces and grandnephews. It's good when my mom and I can share projects as there is not much to do in Firebaugh though we did make the rounds at the carnival.

Since getting back, I've been busy shopping for lots of various items to take to India, organizing all that I will need for the five weeks there, taking care of all that needs to be attended to here during our absence, and preparing the apartment for our absence and the arrival of six guests staying here over the time we are away. It's turning out to be more than I had anticipated. Thank goodness we don't leave for the airport til Friday evening. I need all the time I can get. Tomorrow I get a break and will go to Wave Hill Gardens with Margaret.  Our first car outing.  Should be an adventure!  It's looking more promising that I will have reasonably good internet access at the ashram. Perhaps I will blog from there.